Taking it day by day.

Countdown to #16!!! I am soooo glad that rounds 1 through 4 are over!!! CELEBRATING!!! I stopped blogging for a while because it was hard to be positive and even though it is very theraputic to vent and be able to get it all out, I was at my low and I knew that if I wrote it down it would bring me down further. I had my last round of the " big dog", as we are calling it, and I finally took the steroids and extra fluids. Truthfully, it was one of the easier rounds, I would not recommend holding off on the steroids, or the extra fluids, they seriously made a WORLD of a difference. I was trying too hard to tough it out, not to say that it was easy, however, it was easier. Some folks who have already experienced it, can't believe I did it without. That made me proud. But then thought to myself, why? Because I was sicker? So silly how pride can take you places. So my pride has been set free!!! So much so, I was at a concert Wednesday night and some friends wanted to see my hea...

As I began this process I realized that I wanted to be a natural as possible fighting through with limited amount of drugs.... Totally irrationally.... I was taking half the dose of anti nausea medicine...didn't know it. This last round was the easiest.   Advise from me. Take the steroids the first time, and take the extra doses of fluids. It makes a world of a difference!!! I am finally at 70% like the doc initially said. Aimee said it perfectly to me the past few days. It is only for a short time. You aren't going to be on these medicines forever, not only that they aren't addictive. I don't feel poisoned this time, just tired. Aimee was a nurse sent from heaven too. So very grateful that I had her here for me. I also believe my faith has brought me to this. I needed to have this last round done and I needed to make sure that I am going to see my children, and my grandchildren grow up. I know this is what God wants for me. I feel it in my heart. Until I post again...

Yesterday there were three things that really hit me at the core and again gave me hope. 1. At my book club, I felt slightly under the weather. We were sharing what we were grateful for this spring, in conjunction with the book One Thousand Gifts. As we shared one woman shared her journey that was very special to me. I could relate as a sibling I guess. She shared the prayers she had asked for another child and even more specifically a son. She was finally blessed with a son. All was well until she found out that his growth wasn't normal and he had dwarfism. Now this woman is already a beautiful woman, but as she spoke with her little one in her arms, she became more beautiful. She shined. Something glowed around her. I was in awe of her story,  and I will be reaching out to her because she was so strong and proud. I want to surround myself with people like her... 2. Robin Roberts made a comment about how her mother told her as she was fighting her battle that everyone has thei...

Today I am posting from my chemo chair. The nausea hit much quicker today and I needed a little something more to help and it made me kinda loopy. Thank goodness I had a ride. (Day 5 of Treatment 3 )The whole process of this is taxing... and I want you all to know that I have moments too. I had my official meltdown today. Cried pretty much the whole day. Even watching Pitch Perfect to try and change my mood... cried during that. It is funny for those of you who haven't seen it. I don't know anyone who cried through it. I think that most of it is because I don't want to do this anymore. I felt good before I had been diagnosed, I mean REALLY good. I was working out I felt the healthiest I have ever been. Even after my mastectomy, I felt great. I felt cured, and now I feel like crap...makes no sense. I know that tons of women have gone through this and survived but I hate it!! It feels CRAPPY!! I don't like feeling CRAPPY!  I feel o.k. today but I dread the last round ...

Today I feel inspired, again. The toxicity has lifted and my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. GET ME HEALTHY!  Building up those white blood cells to fight any germs that come my way. Thank you God! Lots of ideas flowing through my mind. Hopefully sectioning them off in separate paragraphs will suffice.....  I joined a book study with a friend here and there is one thing that continues to stand out in my mind. Find the beauty in the ugly. The book is  One Thousand Gifts.  I have only been to one group but found it absolutely what I needed spiritually.   I'm reminded of all of the things that Jesus went through, and throughout it all he found the beauty in the ugly. Being beaten down and then rising to the good of a situation, learning and gaining strength from Gods love.  Crazy how these things happen. It is crazy to think about our purpose here on earth, I think mine is to find the beauty in the ugly. And to help others see it too. ...

Well Round 2 is done. I am on day 4 which was the opening day for me. The fog lifts and the aches can be maintained using ibuprofen and I can relax my body.  It is pretty uncomfortable honestly and I try really hard to explain how it feels to go through the 4 days of yuck..but when day 4 hits for me, it really feels like a cloud lifts and you see clearly, the headache goes away. Alisha has been rubbing my neck where I hold all of my tension and it really helps. I need help the first four days for sure....I need to be able to walk out of the room and lay down. I need to make sure that Josh has some relief. He is cooking and cleaning and he has been so supportive. I don't particularly want to do this all over again (2 more times) but then you think about the noisy little blessings that run around my house and I can do anything!!

Well they weren't kidding!!! People said that your hair starts falling out on day 14.  I was like really??? On day 14 it would just start falling out??? For sure it is!! As we speak!! Crazy!! I have been mentally prepared for this for several months..... but now I am getting excited to let my kids shave it, color it whatever they want. All I know is you shouldn't cook on Day 14, especially if you don't want to find a TON of long hairs in your meal!!! Needless to say, I will not be cooking tonight!!!  I will try to post pictures tonight!!!