Taking it day by day.

So today was my 10th round of chemo, however, I am counting down to 0!!! One of the most powerful numbers ever!! So when posting on Facebook I always post the countdown number...7! I have to say that Lidacane is God sent. It makes accessing my port a piece of cake!! DEEP breath in and a stick I don't even feel. Blood work done in 15~20 minutes and doctor visit then on to chemo. Darci was able to come with me to my last round (8). It was nice to have someone, but we had the luxury of having Ryan there too.... It has been fine doing it alone, I read and sleep and really take my couple hour time out, but it was fun to show her my home away from home....Tulsa Cancer Institute. The place is really quite cool. The people are wonderful and I am thankful for them. I have met some really neat and interesting people. And my doctor is pretty awesome!! Super nice and my age and has great bedside manner.... I was sent here for a reason!!

A whole month has already gone by. School has been out so needless to say I have been making up for  the two months of being and feeling completely out of it with my kids. We have been doing activities and playing and enjoying our company. We are going to the pool all the time (almost everyday). Lennox is growing and talking more everyday, and so badly wants to be like the big kids but also still wants to be mommy's baby. She was my blessing baby that God gave me to tell me I couldn't quit. She is my 'Get it' girl. Meaning mommy better 'get it' done!!! Chaz has found some really great friends, as has Talya. Camp was great, we have another one coming up, and we are beginning to go to different churches to find our place in this town.  It is always the first question people ask out here. What church do you go to? We have yet to find a church, but we will try another one this Sunday. They said Taxol wasn't that bad and it really isn't other then some chem...

Countdown to #16!!! I am soooo glad that rounds 1 through 4 are over!!! CELEBRATING!!! I stopped blogging for a while because it was hard to be positive and even though it is very theraputic to vent and be able to get it all out, I was at my low and I knew that if I wrote it down it would bring me down further. I had my last round of the " big dog", as we are calling it, and I finally took the steroids and extra fluids. Truthfully, it was one of the easier rounds, I would not recommend holding off on the steroids, or the extra fluids, they seriously made a WORLD of a difference. I was trying too hard to tough it out, not to say that it was easy, however, it was easier. Some folks who have already experienced it, can't believe I did it without. That made me proud. But then thought to myself, why? Because I was sicker? So silly how pride can take you places. So my pride has been set free!!! So much so, I was at a concert Wednesday night and some friends wanted to see my hea...

As I began this process I realized that I wanted to be a natural as possible fighting through with limited amount of drugs.... Totally irrationally.... I was taking half the dose of anti nausea medicine...didn't know it. This last round was the easiest.   Advise from me. Take the steroids the first time, and take the extra doses of fluids. It makes a world of a difference!!! I am finally at 70% like the doc initially said. Aimee said it perfectly to me the past few days. It is only for a short time. You aren't going to be on these medicines forever, not only that they aren't addictive. I don't feel poisoned this time, just tired. Aimee was a nurse sent from heaven too. So very grateful that I had her here for me. I also believe my faith has brought me to this. I needed to have this last round done and I needed to make sure that I am going to see my children, and my grandchildren grow up. I know this is what God wants for me. I feel it in my heart. Until I post again...

Yesterday there were three things that really hit me at the core and again gave me hope. 1. At my book club, I felt slightly under the weather. We were sharing what we were grateful for this spring, in conjunction with the book One Thousand Gifts. As we shared one woman shared her journey that was very special to me. I could relate as a sibling I guess. She shared the prayers she had asked for another child and even more specifically a son. She was finally blessed with a son. All was well until she found out that his growth wasn't normal and he had dwarfism. Now this woman is already a beautiful woman, but as she spoke with her little one in her arms, she became more beautiful. She shined. Something glowed around her. I was in awe of her story,  and I will be reaching out to her because she was so strong and proud. I want to surround myself with people like her... 2. Robin Roberts made a comment about how her mother told her as she was fighting her battle that everyone has thei...

Today I am posting from my chemo chair. The nausea hit much quicker today and I needed a little something more to help and it made me kinda loopy. Thank goodness I had a ride. (Day 5 of Treatment 3 )The whole process of this is taxing... and I want you all to know that I have moments too. I had my official meltdown today. Cried pretty much the whole day. Even watching Pitch Perfect to try and change my mood... cried during that. It is funny for those of you who haven't seen it. I don't know anyone who cried through it. I think that most of it is because I don't want to do this anymore. I felt good before I had been diagnosed, I mean REALLY good. I was working out I felt the healthiest I have ever been. Even after my mastectomy, I felt great. I felt cured, and now I feel like crap...makes no sense. I know that tons of women have gone through this and survived but I hate it!! It feels CRAPPY!! I don't like feeling CRAPPY!  I feel o.k. today but I dread the last round ...

Today I feel inspired, again. The toxicity has lifted and my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. GET ME HEALTHY!  Building up those white blood cells to fight any germs that come my way. Thank you God! Lots of ideas flowing through my mind. Hopefully sectioning them off in separate paragraphs will suffice.....  I joined a book study with a friend here and there is one thing that continues to stand out in my mind. Find the beauty in the ugly. The book is  One Thousand Gifts.  I have only been to one group but found it absolutely what I needed spiritually.   I'm reminded of all of the things that Jesus went through, and throughout it all he found the beauty in the ugly. Being beaten down and then rising to the good of a situation, learning and gaining strength from Gods love.  Crazy how these things happen. It is crazy to think about our purpose here on earth, I think mine is to find the beauty in the ugly. And to help others see it too. ...