Taking it day by day.

I awoke this morning to find that I have more eyelashes!!! This is exciting news! When they are sparse it's hard to apply any makeup because you still look like you don't have any. It's rebirth time! I can actually see my mascara! Each and every day I make a more conscious decision as to what I put into my body (you know like my dose of wine, or those darn salt and vinegar chips, just kidding ;)), I have learned that it is all in moderation and it is ok, as long as you don't over do it. And watching my hair grow is amazing (as slow as it goes, and honestly, I was kinda happy I didn't have to shave ANYTHING for the summer). and makes me grateful for this vessel. No matter the color of my hair, the daily growth of my leg hair etc... I am grateful.  I am blessed, and  every new eyelash or eyebrow hair  is another sign that I have another chance! So blessed! I will be walking this weekend in the Race for the Cure with my Talya. Chaz doesn't want to, and I totally ...

 My hair, let's discuss my hair...... Well how do I say this? It is white. Yep, I was pretty gray before but now I am white. Some folks are like, "It's awesome and you can totally rock it." I know, and I think I could. But being able to rock it and wanting to rock it are two different things.  I know. So superficial of me, caring so much about my hair, but shoot!! It is the one thing that I can control. I tried to dye it with my girlfriend Sarah. We colored all of the dark hairs (as minimal as they are) blonde so at least it would look platinum, (which by the way is the cheer squad that my daughter is on...coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not) and I think that it worked. The white hair never really took the color well.  I have found many say that they have to pay for their hair to be my color. It isn't terrible, but it isn't me. In my 6th grade classroom we always did a study on "This Believe" essays from NPR. Where people would write essays about belie...

Although chemo is over this journey is not. It seems so long....ugh. Just want to be a mom and organize my closet!! Radiation started yesterday and it is a daily thing. Week 1 is under-way and to be perfectly honest, I am not sure of any of the side effects yet. Everyone tells me they will set in during week 3. It is a weird feeling and you do get time to think (5 LONG minutes). I am highly sensitive and I swear that I can feel those radiation rays. Others will tell me no. But my mom believes me, she always tells me how sensitive I am to things that are occurring inside, she believes me.  I felt my baby moving at about 10 weeks. Many said that is impossible, 'Nobody feels the baby that early'. I felt the day that I ovulated every month, again, another impossible feeling according to the 'less sensitive.' Plus with all of the the times I was with the fertility specialist watching my egg drop, I kinda figured out the feeling of ovulating. The cancer tumor inside me was ...

I know that I am in the home stretch, well more like right around the corner, and I should be less grumpy but I have to confess.... I don't do well with steroids. They make me grumpy, unable to sleep and bloated.... All things that when combined together pretty much stink. I don't think I have slept well the last month. And mama needs her sleep.... as my daughter says, the steroids have woken a sleeping dragon...yes from the mouth of babes. I also am not a huge fan of menopause, as chemo throws you into it early. Hot flashes are just that hot. Now I am not sure why the title them hot flashes because when I think of flash, I think of a camera, or something fast. These are more like in slow motion. I could see them being a hot wave maybe, or .... I don't know. But there is nothing 'flashing' about it. It is becoming kinda funny because now when they are coming on now, I sing to let the world know. "HOT FLASH" in some random opera style, sing songy fashion....

As I lay here dozing in and out of Benedryl consciousness. Two thing come to mind. Invest in a quality eyebrow pencil. I have found that they make a world of difference when drawing them on. I know... really? $20 for a good one? Yes, it does matter. Eyliner is waxy and you can't feather them as well. I put them on in the morning and I feel feminine again! I love it! And they actually look decent, people can't tell how thin they are!! Cool thing! Feeling good about yourself is not superficial. It makes you smile more and complain less. Life and God are good. Two, sign up for cleaning for a reason. My mom said, "If you are dealt the cards use em". Couldn't agree with her more, and nothing like taking advice from one wise woman!!!! This has been God sent!! I can spend time with the monkeys, making up for the lost month, (AC treatments) without worrying about cleaning!!! And thanks to the Sochas we are getting more cleanings, by-weekly. I feel a calling for doing so...

So, yesterday was countdown number 6 and the best part was, had chemo in the morning and the pool in the afternoon. Drank water all day and enjoyed my family. Love this.... I think that taking a week off of treatment allowed me to finally feel great again. I saw that I will feel better once this is all done and I am excited to get back to my life. I can absolutely do this!!! I can attribute some of this to my "brain vitamin", as my friends and I call it. After my melt down, my Onc. (short for oncologist;)) put me on some Zoloft to help with the depression that hit me pretty hard. I will probably continue to use it just to maintain positivity, I know it has helped me through the rough patches. Leslie came to visit me today during treatment!! She is sooo supportive and an amazing person in general. She said we need to plan a celebration for each step of the way. "We WILL be celebrating in 5 weeks Kiersten. What do you want to do?" I said, " maybe dinner?" Sh...

So today was my 10th round of chemo, however, I am counting down to 0!!! One of the most powerful numbers ever!! So when posting on Facebook I always post the countdown number...7! I have to say that Lidacane is God sent. It makes accessing my port a piece of cake!! DEEP breath in and a stick I don't even feel. Blood work done in 15~20 minutes and doctor visit then on to chemo. Darci was able to come with me to my last round (8). It was nice to have someone, but we had the luxury of having Ryan there too.... It has been fine doing it alone, I read and sleep and really take my couple hour time out, but it was fun to show her my home away from home....Tulsa Cancer Institute. The place is really quite cool. The people are wonderful and I am thankful for them. I have met some really neat and interesting people. And my doctor is pretty awesome!! Super nice and my age and has great bedside manner.... I was sent here for a reason!!