Taking it day by day.

So I sit here without anyone... the kids have all been sick. They are finally asleep... and I am remembering what music is...that means I have my iPod on and I am dancing alone....I am exhausted, but happy!!I am trying to man up for tomorrow because, yes, I am ROOM Mom.. what does that mean? I have to run this weeks valentines party.  It sucks because my Valentine won't be there because he has the flu AND strep.. but I still have to do this... What do I do? Should I throw my babies something special, or should I get sitter to take care of my littles so I can love up my man? Valentine's day has never meant anything to us because it exists only to remind people to care. It honestly makes Josh upset that others revolve their lives around this holiday because he believes that everyone should  love each other every day especially on random days. Tonight, I don't think I have ever felt closer!! Enough said... I am really living... and my relationship is so amazing. I have no word...

First of all I need to report: There was a celebration of banana splits for dinner with a few neighbors and friends who live close by. It was a Monday night and a bit of a last minute hoo-rah. My kids decided on it and that is what we did. The downright dancing and celebrating will continue. For the rest of my life. We did a little last night and a little the night before. I have promised my family that we will be dancing in Mexico for a full week so they better get to learning some new moves. ;) Don't be surprised when I post dancing pictures on FB every once in a while.... So Excited to be done with Phase 3!! Taking time to regroup so that I can hit the final phase 4 with the same tenacity I did with 1-3. I have been calling them phases because, well, it is a process and there are steps that need to be taken. "Phases" seems to be the best word. Now its time to really take care of my skin and help it miraculously heal!! (Not only am I applying aloe vera to the outside, ...

Feeling very weird today. Cried quite a bit actually. The realization that I have a total of 4 more radiation treatments, has been very weird. I can't quite put my finger on the exact emotion. I know that I am thrilled about it, I mean who wouldn't be. Right?(Even said to my radiologist, "ya know if you don't want to do the rest...I am cool with that." Got a smirk.) No one wants to be sick with something that could potentially come back or could kill you. Right? Right.  It has been a weird journey and one I think that truly I'm eternally grateful for, so thankful for and sooo blessed because of.  My relationships have grown so strong. Friends and family have shown me exactly how important I am to them, and have sacrificed so much for me.  For my family. They are important to me. I have stopped to smell the roses more often. I often find myself smiling so much more then ever before in my life. I pause and breathe in beauty. I don't even see ugly anymore. W...

I awoke this morning to find that I have more eyelashes!!! This is exciting news! When they are sparse it's hard to apply any makeup because you still look like you don't have any. It's rebirth time! I can actually see my mascara! Each and every day I make a more conscious decision as to what I put into my body (you know like my dose of wine, or those darn salt and vinegar chips, just kidding ;)), I have learned that it is all in moderation and it is ok, as long as you don't over do it. And watching my hair grow is amazing (as slow as it goes, and honestly, I was kinda happy I didn't have to shave ANYTHING for the summer). and makes me grateful for this vessel. No matter the color of my hair, the daily growth of my leg hair etc... I am grateful.  I am blessed, and  every new eyelash or eyebrow hair  is another sign that I have another chance! So blessed! I will be walking this weekend in the Race for the Cure with my Talya. Chaz doesn't want to, and I totally ...

 My hair, let's discuss my hair...... Well how do I say this? It is white. Yep, I was pretty gray before but now I am white. Some folks are like, "It's awesome and you can totally rock it." I know, and I think I could. But being able to rock it and wanting to rock it are two different things.  I know. So superficial of me, caring so much about my hair, but shoot!! It is the one thing that I can control. I tried to dye it with my girlfriend Sarah. We colored all of the dark hairs (as minimal as they are) blonde so at least it would look platinum, (which by the way is the cheer squad that my daughter is on...coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not) and I think that it worked. The white hair never really took the color well.  I have found many say that they have to pay for their hair to be my color. It isn't terrible, but it isn't me. In my 6th grade classroom we always did a study on "This Believe" essays from NPR. Where people would write essays about belie...

Although chemo is over this journey is not. It seems so long....ugh. Just want to be a mom and organize my closet!! Radiation started yesterday and it is a daily thing. Week 1 is under-way and to be perfectly honest, I am not sure of any of the side effects yet. Everyone tells me they will set in during week 3. It is a weird feeling and you do get time to think (5 LONG minutes). I am highly sensitive and I swear that I can feel those radiation rays. Others will tell me no. But my mom believes me, she always tells me how sensitive I am to things that are occurring inside, she believes me.  I felt my baby moving at about 10 weeks. Many said that is impossible, 'Nobody feels the baby that early'. I felt the day that I ovulated every month, again, another impossible feeling according to the 'less sensitive.' Plus with all of the the times I was with the fertility specialist watching my egg drop, I kinda figured out the feeling of ovulating. The cancer tumor inside me was ...

I know that I am in the home stretch, well more like right around the corner, and I should be less grumpy but I have to confess.... I don't do well with steroids. They make me grumpy, unable to sleep and bloated.... All things that when combined together pretty much stink. I don't think I have slept well the last month. And mama needs her sleep.... as my daughter says, the steroids have woken a sleeping dragon...yes from the mouth of babes. I also am not a huge fan of menopause, as chemo throws you into it early. Hot flashes are just that hot. Now I am not sure why the title them hot flashes because when I think of flash, I think of a camera, or something fast. These are more like in slow motion. I could see them being a hot wave maybe, or .... I don't know. But there is nothing 'flashing' about it. It is becoming kinda funny because now when they are coming on now, I sing to let the world know. "HOT FLASH" in some random opera style, sing songy fashion....