I know that I am in the home stretch, well more like right around the corner, and I should be less grumpy but I have to confess.... I don't do well with steroids. They make me grumpy, unable to sleep and bloated.... All things that when combined together pretty much stink. I don't think I have slept well the last month. And mama needs her sleep.... as my daughter says, the steroids have woken a sleeping dragon...yes from the mouth of babes.
I also am not a huge fan of menopause, as chemo throws you into it early. Hot flashes are just that hot. Now I am not sure why the title them hot flashes because when I think of flash, I think of a camera, or something fast. These are more like in slow motion. I could see them being a hot wave maybe, or .... I don't know. But there is nothing 'flashing' about it. It is becoming kinda funny because now when they are coming on now, I sing to let the world know. "HOT FLASH" in some random opera style, sing songy fashion. They happen so often, my son believes he is having them as well. Nope buddy we are just in Tulsa. It is hot here, and we are all hot. "But mom, I swear I am having a hot flash"
I guess I have to say that more than anything right now I am very aware of how lucky we are. We have been blessed and I am reminded daily. In my daughters kisses, in my sons snuggles, and my oldest just wanting to be around me and spend time with me. We had to go school supply shopping and she was a big help, and then on our way home said, " I sure love it when we get some alone time together." I will make it a point. Or when my son comes down after he has been in bed for a while and says "mom, I just can't fall asleep because you are the snugglyist, and I need you." Or when my baby and I pray, and she says 'Amen', turns around an hugs me so tight. I never want to let her go. We are going to finally do dates with the kids, both of us. They will have 2 date nights a month. I can't wait to start that!! I am lucky to have a husband who makes it a point every morning to kiss me goodbye. "Love you, baby." and when he walks in the door. Stops everything grabs me and kisses me, and says "I want some mommy time too"or "when is our date night?". Gosh I am lucky.
When I really don't feel great and I don't want to do anything, I man up and put on my suit and get in the pool with the kids. That is what they will remember. When I am tired and just want to nap, I do lay down, but I have started to really live. I think that I smell the roses more. I think I am much more fun now, and I do have to thank this cancer thing for that. ( I know that sounds weird.) I am glad that I have woken up from going day in and day out with my routine, and not thinking of what means the most to me and my family for that day. Don't get me wrong...my routine is important, but if I get off track a bit now, it's only because I am smelling the roses.
phew! Glad I got that off my chest.....