Taking it day by day.

So..... it has been so wonderful (not a word that exists that expresses how grateful) having my mom. I don't want her to go!! The kids have loved having her and so have Josh and I.  Josh even came into our room the other night and said, "I have had fun with your mom, I am going to really miss her." She was supposed to leave yesterday, but when she came into my room yesterday morning I said I don't want you to leave, then we proceeded to cry together.  God was watching and canceled her flight so she actually stayed another day.... Thank you God for hearing our prayers! We have done a ton of laughing! Sometimes so hard I thought I was gonna rip a stitch! Extremely healthy for the soul, you know you do have to heal from the inside out. I had 2 drains removed on Wednesday and I was supposed to get the other two out today. They said I was still pretty swollen and they were worried I would swell and retain fluid all weekend and be very uncomfortable. Then on Monday would

Good news always travels with bad news. News is this. My Dr. gave me the results. As far as the Chemo/Radiation this will be determined by myself and the oncologist. However, my Dr. also told me the "most likely".  She has been doing this for a long time and I trust what she said. Not only do I trust her she told me that any second opinions are going to probably tell me the same thing but she is more then willing to fork over all my information to take elsewhere (totally initiated by her)  ...The cancer was stage 2 and High grade meaning it was just under an inch, and aggressive. .... My lymph nodes were re tested and they were negative all of them. Good news. ..... I made a good choice in treatment as they found more in the left side and I would have had to go back in, if I had had a lumpectomy. .... The tumor was a little too close to my chest wall so my Dr. is  recommending radiation (for 1 month daily)to make sure nothing got into my muscle. .... Because of my ag

Well, after a little cleaning up, some coffee, as well as some adorable pj's,  I am looking pretty good! Someone wouldn't believe that I just had a bilateral mastectomy!!! (Keep telling yourself that Kiersten!!)  I still have all the tubing, and drains and pump in under my shirt, (hence the not so flat midsection) but I am feeling pretty good today. The burning has somewhat subsided and my empty pump fits nicely in my pocket. I have to say that burning feeling is awful!!! Makes me tense and want to.... ugh I don't know "say something inappropriate" (as my daughter would say). I have some phantom feelings, like I still have a nipple.  But, because it was ductal cancer, they took that too. I can finally do some things more independently, and I have been wanting to get up more often today, move around more because I am not very good at sitting still. Getting my own water, etc...(Thanks mom for telling me I'm an easy patient. I am feeling impatient!! ) Lennox

Well the numbing pump is empty and the feeling is coming back in my chest and arms. Can you say tingle???? I slept in this morning and feel pretty good now. My mom who has be God sent(cooking, cleaning, laundry, intercepting babies & kids, taking them on walks & to school & tennis, reading with them, doing the lengthy bedtime routine, bathing me, draining my drains, waking in the middle of the night to make sure I take my pills etc..), gave me a hand, foot AND back rub this morning... It is o.k., you can be jealous.... It was nice to just talk, about regular stuff, and laugh this morning. Goals today: ..Rest more, maybe even take a nap. ..get stronger Yep I think that is good for today....

Today was a good day! I got to clean myself ( I say clean myself because it wasn't a shower, or a full bath. It was a 1/2 bath with some sponging...yikes) and we sat outside and I got some fresh air. Lennox even sat on my lap quietly for a little while. AWESOME Feeling!  I felt good and I did more but I drained more too.  The kids are asking more questions and reality is starting to set in. Lenni looks at me with gentle eyes and doesn't even reach for me. It's like she knows. I mean I do look physically different but you think babies don't understand and they do. Chaz finally sat on my bed and we read the book Mommy had a Mastectomy  that my mom got the kids that talks frankly about the part that is going to be missing the next few weeks. The hugs that don't feel the same. He is my snuggle monkey so that is something for sure that he is missing.   Talya even admitted that she was acting like she was ready for it to happen, but she said she wasn't. She wasn't

The Dr. showed up in my room around 2. I was bored in the hospital and kept pacing in my room. She said it went well and the skin laid nicely and they only needed to take the one lymph node, and its little clusters. I finally went home around 3:30 or 4, after my flu shot and pneumonia . It was not a terrible ride. A couple jokes helped the journey, you know 'It sure is cold out here, but no smuggling peas for me." Josh's funny one "Saying goodbye to the rack, they saved us $ on Similac." Funny stuff. I called Tera to come by and do my hair. Tera was kind enough to be here to give me my braids. I needed to get my hair out of my face. Thanks for the up do!! Well here's the scoop. I slept terrible in the hospital and awesome at home last night.  Today is a day though. I am bitchy and want to be left alone. It's hard when everyone just wants to help, I am finding myself saying sorry a ton.  Sorry...... It is the burning sensation that is awful!!! It is a we

Disclaimer: I am under the influence of some good pain meds, So excuse the spelling. and I keep dozing off. So if I post something incomplete I will fix it when I wake up😴 Well I'm out of surgery and it went well! My typical response to  is general anesthesia is itching but I don't care. Could be worse I could be puking!!  (Thanks Amy for the good perspective/game!!!)It was a long morning! got checked in at 9:30 waited around for the Dr who had 3 surgeries before me!!! i just take that as a little extra practice before me. (wink wink). Then they injected an fluid into my skin for finding the sentinel lymph node that would show if anything was spreading to the lymph nodes. Then I napped while it did its magic. The lady that did it was a nuclear something or other.... Weird!!! To have the word nuclear on your badge... So I asked how one becomes a nuclear something or other( of course I used the right title). They don't have many of them. An interesting degree. So good ne

Checked in. Surgery is on the board for 10:30. I wish I was just a little more patient, waiting is not my favorite game. Must be the activator in me....

Can't sleep. It's quiet in the house and I'm here with my mind again. It sometimes doesn't stop. I had to down my water before tomorrow because I love my water.... No food or drink after midnight. Please know if I didn't answer your calls tonight, it wasn't because you aren't important or loved, it's the exact opposite. You are so important and loved by me that it was hard to talk tonight. It may be that way for a while but don't stop calling I need to hear your voices and your words of encouragement. I was feeling kinda bad about that..... I absolutely loved watching all the videos that were sent. So much that I have used up most of my data for the month.(WHOOPS! this phone thing is really cramping my style!!) But.... I don't really care because I LOVED IT! You all out there with your kids or dogs or just alone. You were all amazing. The best part is that you all were smiling! It made my night!! It helped set the tone for tomorrow and I thank

Wow! What a wonderful response from people on Facebook! I think I may be on a new life mission here!

This is Wednesday, January 22,  2014. The day before surgery and I am oddly calm. My mom is here, my kids are safe and happy, and my husband is cracking jokes. Maybe it was the prayer I said this morning or maybe because it is no longer far away. It is directly in front of me. I know it is here and I am so much stronger then this f*%#ing cancer. Don't mess with me.  This is gonna be a list type of morning; of things I am thinking......   The last few weeks things that I wanted to remember.... ... cry in the shower in the morning then put on your makeup and your brave face. (except tomorrow..I cant wear makeup or lotion or shave my armpits!! Gross! Sorry doc. I will have my 5 o'clock underarm shadow for ya!! & I dislike not wearing lotion.) ... dance to you iPod at least 2 times today...or everyday ... kiss the kids at least 3 times a day ... run, and workout- you feel better!! ... Have a beer at lunch every once in a while, it takes the edge off. AND it is OK!!!!

So, once I was diagnosed with Invasive ductal carcinoma, next steps were in place. Meet the doctors,  genetic testing, and an MRI. All of which were just fine and quite easy to do. Don't get me wrong there were some bad days here and there and Hallmark, and Sunday night movies always seem to bring the tears on. Anyway,  here were the final results leading me to this time and place right now, the day before surgery. Tip #1- If you can try to leave your kids, if you have young ones, at home. Listening to the doctors is much more challenging if you are chasing little monkeys!! I was referred to a breast specialist. All she does is surgeries. I know when you think cancer you think oncologists, and yes at some point during this journey I will need to see one. (Trust me I called an oncologist too to find out if this is what I am supposed to do. The lady was so sweet and confirming. Oncologists don't do surgeries, they to the treatment plans when the cancer is still in your body.

Wow! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that "Breast Cancer" was in my future, and however it may have come to me it is here. Now it is time to face the demon that will not take me away from my family, or future goals. I will start from the beginning and give you bit-by-bit details about this journey for me.  It may be helpful for me to release some of this toxic information and learn to fight harder, but it will also keep all those who have been so wonderful in this crazy journey up to date. I also want my kids to know what happened and all I know now. (I know that I won't have this amazing memory when I am older so I need to write it down now!!!)  I will try to post often and let you know how it's going. Good or bad, take it for what it is; a journey.                                     "Journey: an act of traveling from one place to another." I found a lump in my left breast two months after I finished breast feeding my baby girl Lennox.