This is Wednesday, January 22, 2014. The day before surgery and I am oddly calm. My mom is here, my kids are safe and happy, and my husband is cracking jokes. Maybe it was the prayer I said this morning or maybe because it is no longer far away. It is directly in front of me. I know it is here and I am so much stronger then this f*%#ing cancer. Don't mess with me.
This is gonna be a list type of morning; of things I am thinking......
The last few weeks things that I wanted to remember....
... cry in the shower in the morning then put on your makeup and your brave face. (except tomorrow..I cant wear makeup or lotion or shave my armpits!! Gross! Sorry doc. I will have my 5 o'clock underarm shadow for ya!! & I dislike not wearing lotion.)
... dance to you iPod at least 2 times today...or everyday
... kiss the kids at least 3 times a day
... run, and workout- you feel better!!
... Have a beer at lunch every once in a while, it takes the edge off. AND it is OK!!!!
... Talk to your friends about things that make you laugh, til you cry.
... Remember you HAVE cancer, Cancer doesn't HAVE you!!
... I am painting my finger nails pink!!!
... get some clothing that buttons up in the front. Thank you Amy McDowell for that advice, and the inspiration. You are one to reckon with and I am going to follow in your footsteps. (Thank you mommy, daddy and Zach, and Kim Miller. Love all the new tops and cute jammies to wear)
... Go OUT to dinner a couple times...
... Pick out my song...I got it....drum-roll please...... Part of Me by Katy Perry. My kids helped me with it. This is what we are dancing to tonight. But I will be listening to the Vox Populi- The Battle song by Thirty Seconds to Mars tomorrow on my way to the hospital and into the operating room.
... Got my hair done. (Thanks Kristy T.!!)
... Got plenty of good reading material-My "crack" as my husband calls it.(Thanks Leslie and family)
It has been funny how inward you go sometimes when things are hard. This challenging time I have gone outward. I like it better out here, because out here is where people are, experiences are, and the beauty that this life has for us lives. It does no good to go inward. It does no good to mope, empower yourself to fight the battle one step at a time.
Tomorrow Step 1: mastectomy and recovery.
Next Wednesday-pathology results- this will determine the further treatment. Wish me luck.