Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Forever changed

Feeling very weird today. Cried quite a bit actually. The realization that I have a total of 4 more radiation treatments, has been very weird. I can't quite put my finger on the exact emotion. I know that I am thrilled about it, I mean who wouldn't be. Right?(Even said to my radiologist, "ya know if you don't want to do the rest...I am cool with that." Got a smirk.) No one wants to be sick with something that could potentially come back or could kill you. Right? Right.
 It has been a weird journey and one I think that truly I'm eternally grateful for, so thankful for and sooo blessed because of.  My relationships have grown so strong. Friends and family have shown me exactly how important I am to them, and have sacrificed so much for me.  For my family. They are important to me. I have stopped to smell the roses more often. I often find myself smiling so much more then ever before in my life. I pause and breathe in beauty. I don't even see ugly anymore. Whether it is watching my kids, other kids, or just other people. Stopping long enough to truly listen to my kids or others. Less distracted. Humanity makes me smile.  My relationship with God is I can say now present and brilliantly bright. I see gifts on a daily basis. On the faces of the ones I love or ones I have just met. In new friends, support systems that I would have never known existed. Random people in the store, at the gym or at church. (Even this cat who is crazy and won't let me type, makes me laugh not frustrated.)  I will never live my life without Him ever again. Ever.
I have also had an epiphany. Time moves so fast, and is so precious. Life is so short. I thought back in March that this journey would last forever, and would never end. Six months of chemo are you serious!!! Seven weeks of radiation...That is forever!!! And...... all of the sudden the end is here. So crazy, the speed that it all occurred!!! (I talked to my mom and she helped me hash it out. Thanks mama!!) I am opening a new door. Finally, moved to a new state that I am going to get to explore. Exploring without cancer, but a forever changed heart and soul. I will be looking at life so differently, and I am so grateful for that!

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