Thursday, June 26, 2014

I won't settle with okay. Ironic that I am in OK.......:)

A whole month has already gone by. School has been out so needless to say I have been making up for  the two months of being and feeling completely out of it with my kids. We have been doing activities and playing and enjoying our company. We are going to the pool all the time (almost everyday). Lennox is growing and talking more everyday, and so badly wants to be like the big kids but also still wants to be mommy's baby. She was my blessing baby that God gave me to tell me I couldn't quit. She is my 'Get it' girl. Meaning mommy better 'get it' done!!! Chaz has found some really great friends, as has Talya. Camp was great, we have another one coming up, and we are beginning to go to different churches to find our place in this town.  It is always the first question people ask out here. What church do you go to? We have yet to find a church, but we will try another one this Sunday.

They said Taxol wasn't that bad and it really isn't other then some chemo brain and sleeping during that day of treatment.  I don't really feel sick at all, I do still take the anti nausea medicine in the evening so that I don't feel anything. I am sooo glad that I feel this good. It is weekly and last week I had chemo in the morning and the club and swimming in the evening.  Kinda crazy but great!!!!

I also spoke to my plastic surgeon, who is in Colorado, and I am going to try to get my expanders in before radiation so that my skin doesn't get too tight. I have to say that I am super excited about this next step, not the radiation but the new boobs!!! The nurses are very positive and I am soooo excited.  I will see when I meet with my radiologist onc. after 4th of July, if my plan is a go. We are going back to CO and to Breckenridge for the week. We are very excited!!

I am LOVING the book Raw Faith. It is really the one book I can relate to completely. When the author Kasey Van Norman talks and I feel like it is me. I feel what she feels, but spiritually she is much more knowledgeable and I like that I can learn from her. I run through her book and I hit pages that relate to the exact time I need to, and can relate my feelings that I am having with her. I feel like she, can hear me, and God brings me to the book to continue to read. My day is so much calmer when I do read her wisdom. I so hope one day I can meet her, she is so inspirational.

I went through a time where I didn't want to hear "it will be okay" as did this amazing author. (My girlfriends can attest to this, through our fun and loving text messages that began at the beginning of this journey, and have continued and keep me grounded.) I basically told them to stop saying it, and be mad with me. Kasey gave biblical references to that emotion and it spoke to me. AMAZING!!! For example,, "We live in a broken, messed~up world, and there are some things that are never going to be okay." She said, "..In the Old Testament prophets mourned the destruction of Jerusalem and their beloved Temple, I don't envision them proclaiming to the people, 'Hey guys, I know this is a rough patch, but it will all turn out okay.'"  I like this because it is true, I am not always okay, and that is okay!!! I am better then okay some days and some days I am not great, but I won't settle with okay.

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