Today I feel inspired, again. The toxicity has lifted and my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. GET ME HEALTHY! Building up those white blood cells to fight any germs that come my way. Thank you God! Lots of ideas flowing through my mind. Hopefully sectioning them off in separate paragraphs will suffice.....
I joined a book study with a friend here and there is one thing that continues to stand out in my mind. Find the beauty in the ugly. The book is One Thousand Gifts. I have only been to one group but found it absolutely what I needed spiritually. I'm reminded of all of the things that Jesus went through, and throughout it all he found the beauty in the ugly. Being beaten down and then rising to the good of a situation, learning and gaining strength from Gods love. Crazy how these things happen. It is crazy to think about our purpose here on earth, I think mine is to find the beauty in the ugly. And to help others see it too.
Toxicity, such a great way to explain it, you do feel poisoned. Like that stubborn little weed that grows in your sidewalk cracks, gets the week killer, turns brown, then fights its way back. I don't think I'm a weed but when I think of being poisoned that is what I think of. However, the most amazing things come from it (being poisoned) and getting healthy is one of them. Then there is clarity, and perspective and finding the beauty in the ugly. When I was first diagnosed, I stopped seeing myself at graduations, and weddings and things my kiddos will experience. Such an ugly feeling. Last night I dreamt about being there, graduations, 21st birthdays, weddings, grandchildren, and then the toxicity lifted, and there was again clarity and excitement of what the future holds..... WOW!!
I used to believe that everything was so complex, that everyone had a motive, and that I was the only one that would care for me. I don't think that anymore. Everything is simple, everyone desires to be good, and I have help, friends and love that surrounds me. (EVEN if they don't know me....) I took for granted the simplicity of life. I feel great today and I will relish in that, by smiling more, hugging my children, and friends, and playing more. I won't define the way things are supposed to be because they are what they are.
Thank you for allowing me a place to vent, dream, & express myself. Even if it means that I get it all off my chest in a disorganized manner.....It helps to let go.